Music is the food of love

A tight crushhy fit

Wetsuits are intended to be tight. Hard to get on, particularly if wet from the previous swim.

Regular wet suit swimmers will have a routine. Mine is to wash them in the shower with me then leave them hanging off the shower door over the bath until dry the next day. There will be other techniques.

There are a variety of techniques for getting the wet suit on. There are solo techniques and team efforts. My favourite technique is to grab the cord attached to the zip slider, which at its lowest is at about 4th or 5th lumbar vertebra level. The cord is about 9 inches long. Having grabbed it it has to be brought round and up so it can be pulled upwards from the nape of the neck. Job done. It really helps to bring the shoulder blades together at the time of the pull.. each time I achieve this without tearing the wet suit I breath easy with relief.

The team techniques include the same thing but a helper pulling the cord, allowing me the swimmer to concentrate on shoulder blade reversing.

This week I was shown the “crush technique”. It can probably work with two, but there were three on this occasion. One did the cord thing round the back. I started withdrawing the shoulder blades, then the other walked round my front, put her arms around me, face alongside and proceeded to give me a massive hug, hands clasped behind my back. I could feel my thorax being compressed, my rear aid started to raise my zip, and I… started laughing… well giggling actually. It was really really nice. Nothing sexual but really really  nice. A sort of deep giggling.

My plan, much to my friends annoyance doubtless, is to  pretend I can’t do my wetsuit up forever more.

BBC News: Covid-19: Five ways to make hugging safer, from the experts

 Enabling Hugs

David Bowie

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/b06z5pts

Archive on 4 - David Bowie: Verbatim - BBC Sounds David Bowie's extraordinary life and career told in his own words. www.bbc.co.uk

Road kill

I've written about road kill before (Hugged Hare), after my first experience of it two and a half years ago, coached by a friend.

I'd been interested after hearing about a restaurant in the South West which specialises in it. Not sure if this is still in business but a quick search on Google results in articles about a Kent man, a professional forager, promoting Roadkill consumption (Road kill chef, Road kill Cuisine, Wikipedia).

So, when I saw what looked might have been a a dog at first on a bit of hatch on the approach to Felixstowe's third roundabout, I heard my inner voice (weakly) saying stop and take a look. The voice got louder and more persausive. It was late evening. I double backed and stopped on the hatch with my headlights pointed towards the animal, defending us from approaching cars. I got out of my car, just as another one approached, and pulled up a little way ahead. I called out to the two shapes getting out of the car, "Have you stopped to see this?" "Yes, they said." Two lads around twenty.

In front of us was a dog sized mammal. Not a dog. Clearly dead. Abdomen  distended, teats prominent. I wondered whether it was a pregnant female, knowing that breeding season was probably long over.

It was laid on its side with what seemed to be fresh blood leaking form its head. Not smelly.

I picked it up by its legs. all intact. One of the lads inhaled deeply concerned about something. "Careful he said". The animal was neither in rigor, nor floppy. Still not smelly.

"Seems pretty fresh. Do you want it?" I asked the boys, "Do you want to cook it up?

"Oh no, no. Thank you. We just wanted to make sure it wasn't a dog."

"Good of you. Happy if I have it then?"

"Sure."

They headed off.

I made room in my boot, covered the carpet with reusable shopping bags, sprayed blood on my car bumper, and made my way home.

 

wild-deer-set-to-wreak-havoc-in-uk-woodlands-as-venison-demand-plunges

 

Tranmer House

Saturday fifth of October 2019, visited Tranmer House.

Sutton Hoo.

Good times, whoo hoo.

Thinking about the film drowning in plastic.

And about Kate Tempest.

James Corden sounds like her in the wedding scene, series 3, Gavin and Stacey.

Hold your Own

 

And my mate

Bluebells

Native bluebells have competitive advantage over Spanish.

 

Good.

Judgement Day

"Before you judge my life, my past or my character... Walk in my shoes, walk the path I have traveled, live my sorrow, my doubts, my fear, my pain and my laughter.. Remember, everyone has a story. When you've lived my life then you can judge me"

These are some lines form a Depeche Mode song called Walking in My Shoes.

I prefer Enjoy the Silence. Best played loud and live. Oh to walk in their shoes.

Well, maybe not Dave Gahan's ("four brushes with death").

I went to see Depeche Mode once, a big stadium gig as part of their Songs of Faith and Devotion tour.

Get Right With Me

1993.

Gahan got his job by singing Bowie's Heroes. Maybe this is how he sang it.


Another song about walking in your shoes: https://open.spotify.com/track/0vsuDbZZ7llAd299f0xxc3

 It's so cold that...


I can’t link properly using my phone.



.

Error...

Two sides of the error coin, are those of

• learning from error, and 
• punishment for error.

Dr Bawa Gaba has done both.

And her colleagues in the wider health care family too.

Office discussion today included whether Gestalt is something you can be taught.

I'm sure it's something you can learn from error and error and error...

Girls, beautiful.

In draft but publishing as a work in progress:

 

I've heard this incredible woman speak and think that the idea that she is helping more people by putting herself out there than she could have done as a jobbing breast surgeon is worthy of reflection.

The other thing that struck me about this article, in a way which it didn't when I heard her speak before, was the idea of getting your own disease, in her case breast cancer.

I am not sure which of my patients' diseases to chose from; MI, stroke, Pneumonia, PE, major injury, depression. I could go on.

I suppose my learning is to think ahead and be ready, have the affairs sorted, enjoy life in the meantime, and... "Don't go to sleep on an argument".

Talking about death, a talk at the recent Royal College of Emergency Medicine conference in Belfast was on The Dying, i.e. those patients for whom resuscitation might not be the best option.

A speaker also recommended Being Mortal, Atul Gawande (who also wrote Better, and The Checklist Manifesto).

 

This conversation is continuing what with the coronavirus, and on going non-coronavirus disease.

 

Death literacy is a thing, and lack of it. The expression "passed away" persists (a bit like"A&E" for Emergency Medicine and Emergency Departments).

 

A growing movement called Compassionate Communities looks to empower communities to support themselves.

 

A response to resource deficiency but the right thing to do anyway.  

A band that plays music for weddings and funerals. Presumably this particular track, Kalashnikov (https://youtu.be/UqOL7LOR6ko) is for weddings. My parents might not understand it at my funeral, but my friends would, for sure.

My beautiful daughters would appreciate the holding up of a light https://open.spotify.com/track/3ACZrIdyipWtpXDtW1Ofxx?

Scenario fulfilment

I've learnt a lot from watching programmes about air crash investigation. Bea Flight 548 stuck in my mind for a number of reasons;

•  it occurred near Staines,
•  it involved a stall (too much nose up)
•  there were lots of human factors at play (probably including pilot illness)

Wikipedia article
You tube clip of programme

Another crash worth understanding is the Mount Erebus disaster, a New Zealand plan crashing into Mount Erebus in Antarctica.

• More to it than meets the eye
• PTSD

Yet another is this incident, not really a crash, but a direct hit.

Possibly a result of "a simultaneous psychological condition (...), called 'scenario fulfilment', which is said to occur when persons are under pressure. In such a situation, the men will carry out a training scenario, believing it to be reality while ignoring sensory information that contradicts the scenario. In the case of this incident, the scenario was an attack by a lone military aircraft."

I can see this occurring during simulated scenario training in emergency medicine whereby candidates carry out a training scenario believing the training scenario to be that of a certain condition, only for the trainer to be running a scenario of an entirely different condition , or reality.

And in actual practice.

Forage, or borage

We went on an organised forage yesterday. Perhaps 16 of us. Guides Carl Shillingford and Matthew Rooney. They'd chosen an ancient woodland near Sudbury, Suffolk. They'd also chosen a wet, drizzly day. I thought at one point on the way that I'd not prepared us enough, and made sure that we had appropriate clothing. I have along history of this, but whereas in the past I was the one to suffer for my own lack of preparedness, on this occasion, I had guests and felt responsible for them too. I kept my concerns to myself in case the rain stopped and I got lucky.

As it was, the rain was light enough to not be a bother, except for the note keepers among us. The notebooks were brought out for minimal note-making, and laced away again in between scribbles. In retrospect this a good thing because it forced one (me) to engage more with the plants, our companions, and the surroundings - I might not have heard the woodpecker if I had been worrying too much about how to spell borage, for example.

I was a late of course. Indeed, I was later than my three companions somehow, even though we were travelling in convoy, and one of the companions was in the same car as me, I still managed to arrive at the group after the  talk about safety, and respect for the country side, and emergency exits - safety rather than comfort etc.


The Forage

1. Cow parsley
2. Dogs mercury
3. Garlic mustard
4. Nettles
5. Ground ivy
6. Bluebells
7. Goose grass
8. Hop shoots
9. Wood anemone
10. Foxglove
11. Elder
12. Wood sorrel
13. Hemlock tree
14. Hazelnut* (see photo)
15. Primrose*
16. Bitter cress*
17. Rose hip
18. Beech
19. Birch*
20. Ribwort plantain*
21. Hawthorne*
22. Sloe*
23. Clover
24. Wood dock*
25. Dandelion
26. Great willow herb*
27. Chickweed*
28. Borage
29. Common sorrell*
30. Hogweed*
31. King Alfred's cake
32. Water cresss
33. Brooklime (speedwell)
34. Liver fluke
35. Great stitchwort
36. Dead nettle*
37. Aran lilley
38. Alexander*
39. Comfrey
40. Horsetail
41. Wild garlic

Bitter cress:

Hazelnut:

Primrose:

Birch, tap for sap before buds, birch twig tea:

Ribwort plantain, better than dock leaf for stings, makes a good throat linctus:

Hawthorne shoots (May tree - here we gathering nuts in may):

Sloe blossom for salads, almond aftertaste (berries for sloe gin later in year):

Wood dock, seeds can go in e.g. cous cous. Aloe like slime at base:

Willow herb:

Chick weed, row of hairs down one side of stem:

Sorrel, sword shaped leaf:

Dead nettle, white flower, no sting, mint family (square stem, all edible):

Common hogweed, carrot family, lasagna:

Alexander, like lovage to look at, strong celery flavour, good with fish, seeds a pepper substitute.

Food and drink, served by our guides

Sticky willy water

Rabbit stew
Pasta and pesto

Wood ear ravioli
Hogweed lasagna
Foraged salad with  filafel

Birch twig tea

Hugged Hare

Idea

I've been interested in foraging for some time now. But it's been a marathon, not a sprint. Not as easy, for me, as it sounds. Worry about picking the wrong fungus for example. I have however

• hosted a dinner party to which guests brought something foraged, caught, grown, stole or killed
• arranged a couple of walks with experts for some friends
• stumbled across fungi which I have considered bagging
• explored the Suffolk coast and found some sea kale stalks and lots of stones
• started noticing much more, even deer and birds

Discovery

Little did I think that one fine Saturday morning, whilst driving along with a friend, we would almost drive over a fine looking hare in the middle of the road.

Confirmation of death

It wasn't moving.

I said to my friend "That's surely a dead rabbit", only to be asked "don't you know the difference between a rabbit and  a hare? I thought you were interested in foraging".

"Yes, of course I do", I said.

Anyway, I got out of the car wondering what the difference was, and thinking I would just move it out of the way so we could continue on our merry way - we were off to a farm shop to buy some eggs. I grabbed it by the hind leg to check whether it was dead or not. And I raised it into the air.

Examination

I heard my friend say behind me: "Be respectful, it's a dead animal". Fair point.

There was no movement whatsoever. Rigor  was present and the eyes were shiny. Blood was coming from one ear. The head flopped on the neck. It wasn't warm, but it was very cold out.

Life was extinct.

I laid it carefully at the side of the road so we could move on.

My decision to do it

On we went. Having moved it out of the way, I thought I had seen the last of it.

After a minute or two my friend said, "why don't we keep it as road kill?"

I thought to myself "Now, why didn't I think of that, foraging interest and all"?

"Let me think about it", I said. (I needed to find a way of making it out to be my idea, so that my friend would think I was on it. Anyway, we continued on to the farm shop, browsed the vegetables, the plants, the fish, some gin (including chocolate gin), walked the dogs, looked at the alpacas, the pedigree Shetland sheep, and the vineyard and browsed the books and gifts with our muddy boots on in the shop. We admired a hob top coffee percolator on sale for £56 and bought some English Bacchus wine. Something must have happened to me during this period because as we, my friend and I, made to return home, we decided to do it.... to collect the hare. 

Retrieval

Retrieval was easy. It was still there, and still stiff. Having stowed it away behind the driver's seat away from the dogs in the boot, we made our way back to the house.

Placement in shed

I was all for placing it on the kitchen table, but my friend persuaded me to put it in the shed, and think about how to proceed.

Research

The gist of the websites which we read to research how to proceed was the following:

1. Amputation and beheading
2. Skinning
3. Eviscerate; gastro-intestinal system, then heart and lungs
4. Kidney salvage - my addition
5. Soaking and Cleansing
6. Butcher
7. Casseroling

Second retrieval

I retrieved it from the shed, and placed it on the lawn, on some newspaper. Neither the dogs (Darcy and Pip), nor Dillon, the cat, were that interested, interestingly. I think this was another thing which suggested the kill was fresh.

Squeamish bit

Don't read this if you are squeamish, or un-medical:

• Amputation and beheading: I did not have a butcher's cleaver so I used an axe, sharpened as best possible, to cut off the legs, below the thighs. Off with the head using a pair of scissors... the skull was already separated from the cervical spine, a closed injury (or possibly an open one given the blood from the ear). I thought the skull seemed a bit to 'fragile' but have since read (see link below) that hare's have articulated skulls - I think this means that whereas we have fixed skulls with sutures which have closed, hares maintain articulations/joints between the plates of the skull.
• Skinning: Quite easy. A laparotomy incision - he was a boy, definitely. The skin came away from the torso without difficulty, and off the limbs using minimal force. In the process it became obvious that one of the femurs was broken - the spike of the distal fragment forced up into the pelvic cavity, and the pelvis fractured.
• Evisceration: The bowel, I suspect due to the pelvic injury though it might have been my handling of the carcass, was perforated, and spilled its contents into the abdominal cavity. Very little smell - a vegetarian diet. Meanwhile, the newspaper stuck fast to any exposed piece of moist flesh. The intestines and hepato-biliary system almost fell out in my hand. . The heart and lungs were easily accessible and fell out of the chest cavity with a mild pull. The heart, plum sized, seemed small.
• Kidney salvage: These should have been in the usual place, retro-peritoneal, just in front of the loins. I could only find the right one. it is unlikely that the hare had donated one prior to death, so I am not sure why I couldn't find the other. Congenital maybe.
• Soaking and Cleansing: Into a bucket he went to soak, and cleanse, over a couple of hours, with several changes of water. Some visitors called in for a cuppa but didn't want to see him, which most of me understood, the other bit thought what an opportunity missed.
• Butchering: Straightforward; limbs and loins, the rest into a pot for stock.
• Casseroling (or braising): Using a recipe for jugged hare, found on the internet; a stock with red wine, a few vegetables (carrot, leek, garlic) and some seasoning. Not the stock from the hare, save that for something else, a soup maybe.

Consumption

The casserole went well with a red cabbage dish, peas, and some of another friends house red... the remains were boxed up for left overs.

Secondary consumption

The leftovers were secondarily consumed over the course of the following week, each time equally tender, and equally  garlicky.

Consulting regarding tanning

I consulted widely regarding how to tan a hide, and a consistent belief was that the soft tissue on the back of the skin (beneath the dermis) merited removal, so I promptly left it where it was, and popped the whole thing, rolled up like a herring, but without a skewer, in my freezer, pending consultation with someone who actually knows about such things.

Hiding the hide

The Plan is to defrost it during better weather, scrape the soft tissue off the inside without perforating the skin, perhaps using the two flints which we picked up in the farmer's field on the dog walk the day of the meal (with the purpose of having something a/ more natural, and b/ not as sharp as a knife), and then treat the hide with an oil - if we'd been really smart we might have respectfully used the hare's brain. Each animal has a brain just large enough to treat it's hide, it is said.

Telling the story

I've told the story a few times; the reaction varies from interest to repulsion. No disgust though. I ensure I talk about the hare with respect.

Tail

The difference between a rabbit and a hare: See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hare.

Index:

Idea

Discovery

Confirmation of death

Examination

My decision to do it

Retrieval

Placement in shed

Research

Second retrieval

Amputation and beheading

Skinning

Evisceration

Kidney salvage

Soaking and Cleansing

Butchering

Casseroling

Consumption

Secondary consumption

Consulting regarding tanning

Hiding the hide

Telling the story
Tail

Somawee and ginzama

My friend and I decided one day a while ago during a text messaging conversation that we were saying "Amazing" and "Awesome" too often. So we agreed that we would only use our own private language words when ever we wanted to express how much awe we felt, and how mazed we were ("maze"). We decided our words of choice were to be "ginzama" and "somawee".

So today somebody did something that I thought was truly somawee. About ten of us were sat around a table chin-wagging. I think I was winding a friend up about how she was expected to a do a party piece at a dinner-party I had invited her to (I certainly do expect her to do this, but by pretending to be winding her up, I was thinking that she might be more likely to think it a good idea). Others were snacking and drinking tea.

In walks another friend with pizzas piled so high that she could only balance them by using her nose, which really isn't big enough for the task. She plonked them on a table, and announced "I am really depressed, so here you are!"

I thought to myself "Hang on a minute, YOU'RE depressed and you're buying US pizzas!". I couldn't get my head round it. Obviously the concept of being depressed and giving others something as a result is was foreign to me. Well, it certainly isn't now. The room lit up, the people stood up and promptly......

......grabbed some pizza!

And they gathered round this person and started quizzing her about what had led the black dog to her shoulder, and how rude it was to have done so, and how it better get lost or else.

But that is not the point. The point is that her reaction when it did appear was outward. The point was not the gathering round and spitting pizza, not the gathering round to hear her story and provide camaraderie and comfort, not the hugs, not the advice, not the consolation, not everything else (we would have done all of this anyway), but the decision; "I feel shit so I'm going to go and get some pizzas to bring pizza joy to my friends".

Somawee and ginzama.

Oh, to have a wonderful laugh.

I’ve been to see Gryff Rhys Jones this evening.

Gryff is an honorary Suffolk man. The East Anglian Daily Times call him “ the Suffolk comedian, Gryff Rhys Jones”.

I remember him in Smith and Jones (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQicl2US5UA), as I am sure many of us do.

Tonight he took a bit of a retrospective on his career (somewhat like Phil Hammond at Colchester earlier in the year) https://twsy.blogspot.co.uk/2017/04/connections.html) and then proceeded to review some of his travels (whereas Phil took a look at the NHS, and our own health - CLANGERS).

Now, I quite like Gryff. I think he’s funny. I don’t go in for the performance, but I like the intelligence and the situational funniness.

Gryff talked bit about growing up with a father who liked boats and boating, like my grandfather. He talked about Arthur Ransome and sailing from West Mersea north round the coast. He talked about his (second) home on the banks of the Stour, and the worry associated with flood risk. (My rivers are the Deben and the Alde).

I had the pleasure of a woman sitting behind me who had a really enjoyable laugh, and so obviously liked Gryff.

He told us of his trip to Scotland for his new series, his travels to New York and Manchester… all the time alluding to the pressure the BBC put on him to do these things, rather than, possibly his need to work…

The interval was like the old days where a woman with a tray of ice creams made herself available - the choices were basic; vanilla , strawberry and chocolate.

In the second half, Gryff was more relaxed. He  entertained well about his relationship with Easyjet, which some of his will share. Not as it sounds, like the Stansted Express, which stops at Bishops Stortford.

And his holiday trip to St Petersburg via Finland. I think this may have been a reference to Three Men in a Boat, and it certainly rang a chord with me - Erskine Childers’ Riddle of the Sands…. Finland has thousands of islands off the coast, and Gryff in the boat with two others wanting a good time, headed for the coast in the dark, and they ended up berthing next to a cement factory.

Gryff then suggested how wonderful travel was, how the most difficult thing is to pass through the front door on your way out, which the audience seemed to agree with. And then again on your return, because you can’t find the key.

“Travel well, and try to end up somewhere good”.

I told the woman behind me how wonderful her laugh was. She looked a little embarrassed. I just don’t get it. I’d love to be told that I have a wonderful laugh.

That's how you do it

I was just walking through town and almost bumped into a young man, say 25 year old, maybe less, handing out flyers for a nightclub (the sort that get you in for free, or two for one).

We side-stepped each other and, though I saw him look me up and down, he otherwise ignored me.

Then, from behind I heard him exclaim "Wow, you two will definitely get in!". I hardly needed to look to see the two twenty-something year old women walking along enjoying their shopping.

They reacted with a smile and a "no thank you, darling".

And they chuckled to themselves as they carried on walking.

I carried on too, (half) smiling to myself.

A hand to hold

I was at Dr Phil Hammond's gig at Colchester Arts Centre recently (Thursday 13th April 2017). Phil's a GP.

And a comedian.

And a journalist.

And an author.

And a commentator on the NHS.

Anyway, this isn't about him... nor me. It's about the gig and someoe in the audience.

 

I'll just tell you about the gig first. The arts centre, an old church. Full to capacity. A bar, but no drunkenness.

Phil, himself, said, right at the start, that the show was going to be about intelligent kindness and love, including self love.

Two halves to the show; the first half about Phil's biography as an illustration of what he called SYOSO (sort your own self out), the second about SEOSO (sorting each other's selves out, including the publlc services).

 

I made couple of notes. Even though Phil used a slide show, I didn't think I could treat it like a lecture. No-one else was.

During the first half:

• His life story, but with lots of self-deprecation, one of the three critical elements described in George Mikes’ English Humour for Beginners - understatement, self-deprecation and plain cruelty.

• Medical tips (get vaccinated, protect your skin from sunburn etc)

• His uncle’s fuck it philosophy (80% of the time it will work to just say “Fuck it”)

• Suicide and the importance of talking

• The importance of a good death

In the second half:, SEOSO:

• Lots of anecdotes, relatives' use of reminders (mantras maybe).

• Anger makes you angry, love makes you lovely.

• Sustainability and transformation plans; something like the “service turning private” (can’t quite remember what he said, but you get the gist)

• The 3 Ps; pleasure, passion, purpose

• The importance of self love, that which makes self care possible.

• Self care, that which makes self-love possible
  

• And the CLANGERS

Now, the CLANGERS: He talked about the soup dragon, but his main message was the 8 behaviours recommended for resilience, though he didn’t mention this word at this point.

1. Connection – authentic, meaningful, kind, loving encounters (short and long term). Social connections.

He told the story of the hugs that he had tried to encourage some of his audiences to do at previous gigs.

An old man approached him at a subsequent gig and said that he hoped Phil was going to get them hugging again. It had been some years since that man had been hugged and he had returned hoping for more.

 

I can’t say that he was meaning to encourage us to hug each other more. I have tried this myself by writing “Please Hug More” on a poster at work relating to how the Bear Hugger (a device for warming cold, not dead, patients up) should work, I have not received a single additional hug from my work colleagues as a result.

He showed a  photo of two hearts hugging. I cannot find the same photo anywhere

 

I think of the church practice of shaking hands with your neighbours and wishing them peace (aaaaarggghhh-awkwardness followed by warmth and relief that it had gone ok.

 

2. Learn - Carry on learning and doing stuff for its own sake.

3. (Be) Active, or pro-active. Exercise well. Not trying to run a marathon or impress by doing an assault course when you are best off walking a walk or breast stroking in odd places.

4. Notice stuff (be mindful). This means different things to differenet people. A clinical psychologist I know said to think of it as taking a picture. Alternatively don't miss the kingfisher through watching the ground at your feet.

I am not criticising looking at ones feet. When in crisis, it's hard not to. We also have to avoid bags of pooh.

5. Give back. The pleasure is in the giving. A difficult one for some this. Who to give to? What to give? Start with thinking about it and noticing when you have given without forethought (your time for example).

6. Eat well. Eati mindfully. Know what you are eating. Maybe create what you eat, where you can.

7. Rest and Relax. I had learnt this one as "Boundaries" e.g. work-life balance, but they aren't far apart. I heard someone refer to work life integration this week. "I am walking the dog, bu thinking about work". I sometimes relax when I am at work, and I sometimes fail to relax when I am at home and should do. It's not meant to be easy.

8. Sleep well. Quantity and quality. How hard it is, but great it would be, to deliberately go to bed earlier, and then get up earlier and better rested.

Now, did I say I’d gone to this gig by myself? This isn’t unusual for me. I have often gone to things on my own (I remember being in a cinema in Bilbao, Spain with one other person, a man dressed in a raincoat. It was daytime and a sunny day at that- I’m not sure why I was going to the cinema on such a day, but I was.  The man was at the front. I made sure I was at the back. Perhaps he was much like me. We could have had coffee).

 

I am not sure what film it was. Almodovar maybe.

 

I remember that Bob Dylan was playing a gig at the bullring in Bilbao. Sold out.

I sometimes go places on my own because that is what I want to do.

 

Now, back to Colchester Arts Centre. I was one of the last in (I’d been messing about in my flat listening to the Kings of Leon) I hadn’t got a seat. I leant against one of the church pillars rather than climb across other members of the audicence.

Phil was getting us to participate in chanting. The chanting they do on the NHS protest marches, not Gregorian chanting.

And he asked us to hold hands with the people next to us.

Aaaaaaaarggghhh!

The nearest person to my left was the other side of the bar and I had had a long discussion with her about standing up at comedy gigs – which I don't think you should ever do.

To my right was a whole row of people sat down on chairs, with one empty seat, mine obviously.  Closest to me was a young woman. I never got a look at her face, but I’d enjoyed her laughing, particular at the Hunt’s a cunt chant (Phil never acutally got us doing this one, but we knew we were all doing it internally), and I just knew she was either a GP, or a higher trainee. Emergency medicine I reckon – though I don’t think Colchester have higher trainees in Emergency medicine, so perhaps I was just demonstrating familiarity bias.

So, what did I do?

 

I just put my hands in my pockets.

I though I’d got away with it.

Then I felt this little caress on my right forearm, and then a tap.

Tap tap.

Tap tap.

Aaaaaaarrrggh!

I took my hand out of my pocket and slowly agreed to connect my hand to hers.

Humpf.

I continued to look straight ahead (it was dark but she might not have noticed me continue looking straight ahead, I don’t know.

It was nice hand though.

Warm and moist, without being sweaty.

I hadn’t held hands for years. Hand shakes don’t count.

So, what did I do?

I squeezed it.

Obviously.

No doubting.

I’d squeezed it.

Still looking ahead.

I can’t remember what the joke being  told was now.

And what happened?

She squeezed it back.

 

A reflex I suspect.

The joke over. I think he told us, as if hypnotized that it was time to stop holding hands.

 

We parted.

No tears. No sadness.

I put my hand back in my pocket.

I carried on looking ahead.

But…

I was warm inside.

 

I cannot remember the joke, though it had been funny.

 

I do remember the squeeze.

I thanked her before I left. She didn't bat an eyelid. It hadn't meant anything to her.

 

She would be holding hands again soon.

Having driven to Colchester on my own, I drove back on my own. I thought about Phil, this amazing doctor with all these other strings to his bow. I though about my career. I’d been a GP. I’d tried my hand at journalism. We’re all commentators on the NHS. I’d tried comedy. I’d even tried writing a book. I’d imagined being a Royal Marine, a Spanish interpreter, a rock drummer.

 

I still think of being a rock drummer.

Chimp Paradox, two side summary

Chimp Paradox

 

Part 1, the inner

 

The chimp paradox is the concept that your chimp can hijack you for good or bad (the chimp being the emotional brain, the other brains being the human and the computer).

It is inevitable. Go easy on yourself. Use the negative emotions to move forward.

We should try and understand ourselves and recognize hijacking by the chimp by when we would answer no to the question 'do I want this?'

Chimp can be managed (not controlled) by

• Exercise (allowing it to satisfy its instincts)
• Boxing (feeding it facts, truth and logic when its calmed down)
• Bananas (sometimes useful but not powerful)

Computer

Fast and does automatic stuff/autopilots

• Gremlins: Constructive or negative/destructive biases. Removable.
• Goblins: Similar but fixed

Provides a reference source. Reference points:

1. the mindset = the perceptions you have which influence your approach...(positive or negative)
2. what you believe is true, what you value and your purpose which we can chose, the most settling influence on your chimp, your mind and your universe.

Personality

 

A mixture of the three brains, on all of which you can work on. ‘What you wish to be is what you are’

Part 2, day to day

 

Communication

 

'Some people you will never please and they will never like you’

Respect other people. Concentrate on the ones you care about. Walk (or run) from the unacceptable ones

Know your impact factor, your impact on others, energiser or drain.

Human persuades chimp that everyone is human, chimp invites everyone into the inner circle, some of them then behave like chimps

Give your team appropriate roles. Communication is critical and learnable

Model = The Square of communication; Time, Place, Agenda (=content), Way (=presentation)

4 ways to communicate; H to H (ideal), C to H, H to C, C to C (nightmare)

Assertiveness (human) with aggression (chimp)

Be prepared

Attend to Body language, Intonation (speed, VOLUME and emphasis), Use of words, Ambience

Unresolved conflict; negotiation, mediation, arbitration

Environments

 

These chimp’s and human’s worlds are in conflict. The computer makes sense of them and real world emerges

The chimp in a jungle is driven by finances/possessions, friends, job, (emotional) food, time out, food, power, sex... fun, other sorts of stimulation

The human in a world of logic and compassion thrives on social/role/purpose, soulmate and intellectual stimulation, laughter, achievements, altruism, future planning...

Stress

 

Stress, both necessary and necessary not, when demand outstrips resources (in and out, response; fight, flight, freeze

Options of avoiding it and being ready for it

The appropriate reaction to stress is to slow down and allow the human and good automatic behaviours of the computer to take over from the chimp and the negative automatic behaviour of the computer.


Accept and Move on with a Plan

Most situations are emotionally stressful only if you allow them to be

Self as source of stress

• Creating own misery (eg being rude)
• Red herrings (blaming the wrong things)
• Mushroom syndrome (worries)
• Conflicting drives (e.g. work and family)

Others as source of stress

• Think communication skills
• Don't beat yourself up/feel guilty
• Think how (solution) cf why (problem)
• Don't be caught holding a worthless stone

Part 3, goals

 

Health

 

Look after them (be proactive) but and rest. Emotional rehab takes time.

Take ‘emotional painkillers’

• Friends and family for support
• Close friends; share the pain
• Accept help      
• BE KIND TO YOURSELF/love yourself
• Allow yourself to deal how you wish to

Success, Foundations of

 

Define success and measure it. The fundamental stabilisers:

Working with others

Leadership, Followership, Relationships/team play

The CORE principle

1.                   Commitment

2.                   Ownership

3.                   Responsibility/accountability

4.                   Excellence

Motivation

Carrots better than stick

Success, Planning for

1.       Aim for stars not moon, with SmArt goals stop chimp form being frustrated...

2.       Identify a few foundation stones rather than multiple tasks

3.       Planning and structure e.g. commitment sharpening axe

4.       Oil the wheels

• Feel the fear
• Think of it like climbing a mountain
• Carrots

5.       Audit/learn

• Hold up a mirror
• Be accountable to someone
• Review goals
• Recognise when you are behaving inappropriately
• Making responsible yourself, circumstances, other people not the other way round
• Deal with outcomes, grieve and learn inc from depression post success
• Beware negative autopilots

• Turn on the light and go to court

Confidence

Confidence and security stabilise happiness therefore they are important to establish ...

The human way on which to base confidence as above…

Self-confidence: Be “attractive”. Relationship fails? Loss of self-confidence normal, be gentle on self, avoid self-pity.

Security

Chimp seeks Security = A feeling of safety in team and environment

Human accepts change, vulnerability and risk. Familiarity can be helpful or unhelpful

Our chimps are our own… At times of insecurity/trouble rely on your team/a pro

Separate physical and emotional dependence on someone. Listen to your best friends

Gain security from within based on beliefs, values, purpose. Seek reassurance, but not too much..., give reassurance without being asked. Know what is in your control and what isn't

Happiness

It's a choice, work on it. Four systems; self, others, environment (accommodation/work) and comms/human factors

Develop your having and 'being', distinguish, having (knowledge, skill, personality), doing…

Know your philosophy (beliefs, purpose, values first), then worry about who you are.

Make your choice: Self image, worth, esteem, confidence

Understand needs and avoid clashes of human and chimp .Want doesn't mean need, see environments, and drives

Add on extras: See Environment

Achievements and possessions rarely bring happiness for long.

You want your partner to make you feel good, develop, bring out your best, put you first, accept you... you've got to do that for them.

Implement a plan, a happiness approach and list

1. look for solutions not problems
2. choose not to be bothered by some situations
3. question the value of brooding
4. learn to laugh
5. be proactive
6. deal with causes of situations

Invent a virtual twin, feedback, preferably with humour

Happiness promoters

Replacing negative auto-pilots with positive ones

Lifestyle not battle. Beware dichotomous thinking

Enjoy the roses while watching out for the thorns - tragi-comedy

Cross each bridge rather than crystal ball gazing and seeing doom and gloom

Take your hand out of the fire (be proactive). Don't try to share your house with a tiger

Rubbish in rubbish out (look after your happiness). Don't feel you have to make everyone happy all the time. Love yourself

Postscript

There is always a choice