Chimp Paradox
Part 1, the inner
The chimp paradox is
the concept that your chimp can hijack you for good or bad (the chimp being the
emotional brain, the other brains being the human and the computer).
It is inevitable. Go
easy on yourself. Use the negative emotions to move forward.
We should try and
understand ourselves and recognize hijacking by the chimp by when we would
answer no to the question 'do I want
this?'
Chimp can be managed
(not controlled) by
- Exercise (allowing it to satisfy its instincts)
- Boxing (feeding it facts, truth and logic when
its calmed down)
- Bananas (sometimes useful but not powerful)
Computer
Fast and does automatic
stuff/autopilots
- Gremlins: Constructive or negative/destructive
biases. Removable.
- Goblins: Similar but fixed
Provides a reference source. Reference points:
- the mindset = the perceptions you have which
influence your approach...(positive or negative)
- what you believe is true, what you value and your
purpose which we can chose, the most settling influence on your chimp, your
mind and your universe.
Personality
A mixture of the
three brains, on all of which you can work on. ‘What you wish to be is what you
are’
Part 2, day to day
Communication
'Some
people you will never please and they will never like you’
Respect
other people. Concentrate on the ones you care about. Walk (or run) from the
unacceptable ones
Know your
impact factor, your impact on others, energiser or drain.
Human persuades chimp that everyone is human,
chimp invites everyone into the inner circle, some of them then behave like
chimps
Give your
team appropriate roles. Communication is critical and learnable
Model = The
Square of communication; Time, Place,
Agenda (=content), Way (=presentation)
4 ways to
communicate; H to H (ideal), C to H, H to C, C to C (nightmare)
Assertiveness (human)
with aggression (chimp)
Be prepared
Attend to Body
language, Intonation (speed, VOLUME and emphasis), Use of words, Ambience
Unresolved conflict;
negotiation, mediation, arbitration
Environments
These chimp’s and
human’s worlds are in conflict. The computer makes sense of them and real world
emerges
The chimp in a jungle is driven by finances/possessions, friends, job,
(emotional) food, time out, food, power, sex... fun, other sorts of stimulation
The human in a world of logic and compassion thrives on social/role/purpose, soulmate and intellectual stimulation, laughter, achievements, altruism, future
planning...
Stress
Stress, both
necessary and necessary not, when demand outstrips resources (in and out,
response; fight, flight, freeze
Options of avoiding
it and being ready for it
The appropriate
reaction to stress is to slow down and allow the human and good automatic
behaviours of the computer to take over from the chimp and the negative
automatic behaviour of the computer.
Accept and Move on
with a Plan
Most situations are
emotionally stressful only if you allow them to be
Self as source of stress
- Creating own misery (eg being rude)
- Red herrings (blaming the wrong things)
- Mushroom syndrome (worries)
- Conflicting drives (e.g. work and family)
Others as source of stress
- Think communication skills
- Don't beat yourself up/feel guilty
- Think how (solution) cf why (problem)
- Don't be
caught holding a worthless stone
Part 3, goals
Health
Look after them (be proactive) but and rest. Emotional rehab takes time.
Take
‘emotional painkillers’
- Friends and family for support
- Close friends; share the pain
- Accept
help
- BE KIND TO YOURSELF/love yourself
- Allow yourself to deal how you wish to
Success, Foundations of
Define success and
measure it. The fundamental stabilisers:
Working with others
Leadership, Followership, Relationships/team play
The CORE principle
1.
Commitment
2.
Ownership
3.
Responsibility/accountability
4.
Excellence
Carrots better than
stick
Success, Planning for
1.
Aim
for stars not moon, with SmArt goals stop chimp form being frustrated...
2.
Identify
a few foundation stones rather than multiple tasks
3.
Planning
and structure e.g. commitment sharpening axe
4.
Oil the wheels
- Feel the fear
- Think of it like climbing a
mountain
- Carrots
5.
Audit/learn
- Hold up a mirror
- Be accountable to someone
- Review goals
- Recognise when you are behaving
inappropriately
- Making responsible yourself,
circumstances, other people not the other way round
- Deal with outcomes, grieve and learn inc
from depression post success
- Beware negative autopilots
- Turn on the light and go to
court
Confidence
Confidence
and security stabilise happiness therefore they are important to establish ...
The human
way on which to base confidence as above…
Self-confidence: Be “attractive”. Relationship fails? Loss of
self-confidence normal, be gentle on self, avoid self-pity.
Security
Chimp seeks
Security = A feeling of safety in team and environment
Human
accepts change, vulnerability and risk. Familiarity can be helpful or unhelpful
Our chimps
are our own… At times of insecurity/trouble rely on your team/a pro
Separate
physical and emotional dependence on someone. Listen to your best friends
Gain
security from within based on beliefs, values, purpose. Seek reassurance, but
not too much..., give reassurance without being asked. Know what is in your
control and what isn't
Happiness
It's a choice, work on it. Four systems; self,
others, environment (accommodation/work) and comms/human factors
Develop
your having and 'being', distinguish, having (knowledge, skill, personality),
doing…
Know your
philosophy (beliefs, purpose, values first), then worry about who you are.
Make your
choice: Self image, worth, esteem, confidence
Understand
needs and avoid clashes of human and chimp .Want doesn't mean need, see environments,
and drives
Add on extras: See Environment
Achievements
and possessions rarely bring happiness for long.
You want
your partner to make you feel good, develop, bring out your best, put you
first, accept you... you've got to do that for them.
Implement a plan, a happiness approach and list
- look for solutions not problems
- choose not to be bothered by
some situations
- question the value of brooding
- learn to laugh
- be proactive
- deal with causes of situations
Invent a
virtual twin, feedback, preferably with humour
Happiness promoters
Replacing negative
auto-pilots with positive ones
Lifestyle
not battle. Beware dichotomous thinking
Enjoy the
roses while watching out for the thorns - tragi-comedy
Cross each
bridge rather than crystal ball gazing and seeing doom and gloom
Take your
hand out of the fire (be proactive). Don't try to share your house with a tiger
Rubbish in
rubbish out (look after your happiness). Don't feel you have to make everyone
happy all the time. Love yourself
Postscript
There is
always a choice
https://www.boredpanda.com/heart-and-brain-web-comic-awkward-yeti-nick-seluk/
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